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Tuesday, October 12, 2004
why is the 'n' silent in "autumn"?
Feeling:  chaotic
Craving: nothing
Music of choice: "float on"-modest mouse
They need to make days longer. Screw daylight savings-I need more than 24 hours in a day as it is. (Yes, I do realize that by turning the clock back an hour we do not lose an hour you incompetant fool) Lately I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. Not in a bad way necessarily-I just find that I'm so busy with school that I don't have time to do anything for myself. Every weekend basically consists of homework, and going out. The time that I had during the summer to paint my nails when I felt like, or go for a run or even clean my room is gone until next summer. And any break that I do get from schedule I use to just relax, or sometimes, if it's really bad (I think my English teacher would kill me if she saw that I used the word it-you see how my school life is slowly taking over everything I do?? I can't even talk normally without relating it to school. Again with the it. Dear god) Right now, I should be concentrating on about 1/10 of the homework I have because I won't be able to work on it anytime after 5. (5-5:30: dinner>6-8: rehearsal>8-shower>9-One Tree Hill) Looking @ that list, maybe I need to reprioritize. Is reprioritize a word? I have begun to put fun before work already-for instance, yesterday I went out when I should have stayed home and done homework. Doing homework would have been the wise, studious choice. But instead I rushed through 20 pages of notes from 10-1130 and then went to the mall with my boys. Not to say I regret this decision-yesterday I had my first experience at Hooter's. ;-P I knew how to manage my work though-I was done with it by 1030 that night, which probably is when I would have ended up going to bed anyway, work or not.
Aside from feeling in over my head, things are pretty alright. I'd even go out on a limb to say that they're quite good. Working hard with the play-Antigone, if I didn't mention. We put it on in less than a month...gonna be a time crunch for sure, but I think we can pull it off. Between that and school, each weekend has been packed with going out and doing all those "fall-y" activities that everyone recalls doing 20 years later as a "fall memory." I love this weather. I wish I could bottle it up. I'm quite undecided whether I like summer or fall better. I love the freedom and careless days of summer-and "those summer nights" of course. But fall just has such a sense of...something. You can't pinpoint it, but it's there. There's just not much that compares to a sunny fall afternoon....I think it's a natural aphrodesiac. Mmmm lovely.
 What are you doing up at 04:09 pm?
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Sunday, September 26, 2004
Feeling:  fed up
Craving: nothin
Music of choice: "if you ever stop loving me"-montgomery gentry
Oh, look who's still here. Old reliable. Lucky for you I guess. Unlucky for me. Just a back burner to all your flavors of the week. And when you get sick of the Slutty Nutty Banana or the Whorey Graham Cracker Smorey, plain and simple ol' vanilla is still gonna be sitting in the back of the freezer, always waiting patiently, knowing it's only a matter of time before you discover that all those exotic flavors are nice to have when you have the urge, but that you cannot live on Cherry Almond Fudge Ripple alone for the rest of your life. I mean, your choices are limited with such flavors. You cannot top Lime Sherbert with hot fudge, nor can you put pineapple on Recees Nightmare. But ol vanilla is always so flexible-she takes just about anything and she'll make the best of it. You take vanilla for granted you know. What would you do if all of a sudden vanilla got sick of you trying to "discover" all these new flavors and not being appreciated for what she was, just b/c she was a little plainer than the rest, and decided to leave? Then what flavor would you turn to when Tutti Cutie Frutie started making you sick? But you know that's not going to happen. You know you'll never run out of vanilla-you know that whenever you open your freezer, it'll still be sitting there, right between the frozen chicken and waffles. You're never worried about opening your freezer and discovering you've run out of vanilla-but maybe you should be. Then again, maybe you have nothing to worry about. Which really isn't fair at all.
Just don't ever leave old vanilla on the back burner, with the stove on, or forget about it out on the counter. Because once vanilla melts you may be able to put it back in the freezer and restore her, but it'll never taste the same.
It's so great to have drama to write about again...
What are you doing up at 04:27 pm?
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Feeling:  like I'm forgetting something
Craving:  candy
Music of choice: Red Sox game
I can't find the time lately to keep up entries. On top of school work, going out, auditions, dance, and drama (ever present as usual), Monday was my birthday (sweet 16). What can I say? Life's been moving pretty fast lately. I feel like I don't even have time to take for myself anymore. I need some order in my life-the things I say I'll actually do with the free time I get, I never do because I either find something better to do, or I sleep, or I remember something I had to do before that instead....*shakes head* I need a schedule
Otherwise, things are pretty darn good, I must say. Steve came home last weekend-he came down from NYC for the weekend or so for his first visit from college. He actually got me Hunter Foster's autograph for my birthday :-O You would have thought I opened the box and Hunter Foster himself popped out. That is so getting framed. I LOVE Steven!!!
I cannot wait. This year's play is Antigone, and I'm playing her. I.love.her.
Had a little bash @ mi casa on Sunday. Good times. Great pics. Better mems. However it was a little cold for the pool....
Perhaps I'll actually go upstairs now and get one of the many things done that I've been meaning to get done all week, considering it's actually early for a change.
Or maybe I'll find someone to IM instead and end up staying on till 10, par usual.
Damn predictability.
What are you doing up at 09:37 pm?
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Feeling:  drained
Craving:  H2O
Music of choice: "1985"-Bowling for soup
Well now...it's been a while. School started last week, and I'm still not ready to go back. I'm just tired of the same old routine. Not much to go back to anyway-there's this void with the seniors being gone. Nothing feels the same. Seems like this time gap fell into the summer somewhere between the barbeques and beaches and now we're all walking around like we've forgotten our connections and who we are. Something needs to start...drama. A routine (ironically) needs to begin to make things feel more normal.
I'm looking forward to a change in seasons. I miss summer, but that's gone till next June and I hate transitional periods. I absolutely love October-leaves changing, cool weather, Halloween...I think fall is my favorite season. It's up there with summer, at least. I like it when you can go outside with just a sweater and a pair of jeans and be comfortable. I'm actually really looking foward to fall...it seems to hold such promises. It kinda seems like we're in spring right now. That period from March-May when it's not still winter, but still not summer? That's what it feels like...you can't officially call it "summer" any longer b/c you're back in school, but it's not fall yet. Maybe it's all this crappy weather...ok, so it's only been one day of rain, but I really hate the rain, and it's supposed to rain
tomorrow as well. Clear skies by Friday though. Goody.
My birthday is in 12 days :-D
And I'm getting my hair highlighted tonight-there's one long-awaited change, @ least.
What are you doing up at 04:34 pm?
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Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Feeling:  mortified
I am truly speechless. While looking up information on the Columbine shooting for my psychology project, I came upon a personal website. I was utterly dumbfound by what I read:
COLUMBINE SHOOTING
My opinon on the high school shooting in littleton colorado i think it was devasting what the boys did to thier fellow students. On the other hand i think it was good for those student's and that one stupid teacher who tried to save them in the lunch room. Reason why you ask is i have no compassion for those student's who got killed. These two boys never had friend's girls turned them down jocks thought their were to nerdy and final last thing was they didn't saintin. I show no moral respect on the students and that one teacher who was left to slaughter. For the minorities who were in that school they were lucky accept that black kid wrong place at the wrong time. There is a old saying do on to others what others would do to you. This wouldn't happened if people weren't cruel and nasty to them. Let purity of evil guide you.
For once, I have no words. If you have anything to say to this individual, feel free to visit their site.
What are you doing up at 10:08 am?
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Sunday, August 29, 2004
B.S. doesn't stand for Britney Spears...
Feeling:  tired
Craving: sleep
Music of choice: nothing
It's about time someone in this house started standing up to my father. His fits resemble those of a crazy man. He is absolutely outrageous at times and I don't know why my mother puts up with it. I would have told him off or walked out at this point. Maybe she has a higher tolerance than I do, maybe I just don't take crap from people, or maybe she would walk out on him if she didn't fear for this family's financial incoming. I mean, let's face it, the man can be more stubborn than a mule at times, and resemble quite a jackass, but his salary is usually what we're spending when we go out shopping.
Still...his tantrum today was completely out of line and uncalled for. And my mother puts up with it, and I can't stand it. She's finally started fighting back though...I don't know why we all cower from him. No one could ever possibly understand...my father is my excuse for an endless list of "Why don't you's..."
-get your license @ 16
-go out every night
-go stay for a weekend with your friends in college
-have parties at your house
-have a later curfew
-go to prom freshman year
-go clubbing
-go to Yale to see a tennis match or a play
-go to a sleepaway drama camp in NY
-have more than 1 person sleep over @ a time
-try to pursue acting more
...we walk on eggshells around here, planning our every move ahead of time. It's like living a chess game, or living on an island with an active volcano. You know it's only a matter of time before it erupts, so in the meantime you tiptoe around hoping not to disturb it. This.is.ridiculous. He holds on so tight, and doesn't realize that the tighter he holds me, the farther away I get...
What are you doing up at 02:21 am?
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
Feeling:  bored
Craving:  soda
Music of choice: nothing
I get pissed when girls wear bras that are too big for them. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. It's like they think there's a difference whether they walk around in an A or a C. You're still gonna have the same size boobs. Buying yourself a C bra will not justify your B boobs. Just accept the facts. If you're an A, you're an A-learn to live with it. But I cannot STAND it when girls that are barely bigger than me go around saying-yea, I wear a C. THERE ARE NOT 2 CUP SIZES BETWEEN US! Hell, I could buy myself a C or even a D bra if I wanted to-I'd look utterly ridiculous under my shirts, but I could still do it. Of course I still "fit" into one-anyone who's boobs that are smaller than the actual cup can fit into it. If you're not spilling out of your bra, it ain't time to move up a cup size. And if you're that unhappy admitting you wear an A, then do what I'm gonna do and get implants in a few years. But in the meantime-don't deny your boobs. You may not have asked for them, but did you ever consider that they never asked to be on your body?
What are you doing up at 05:17 pm?
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What are you doing up at 09:44 am?
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
quite like the chicken or egg theory...
Feeling:  sleepy
Craving: dunno
Music of choice: "Live like you were dying"-Tim McGraw
A few questions before bedtime...
1.) What is bothering my mother so that she has hardly said a word since I got home?
2.) How did mankind discover sex?
3.) What made a person decide to go up to a cow, pull on its udders, and drink what came out?
4.) Why do men love breasts?
5.) What did women of the olden days, like the Shanandoah tribe or the early colonial settlers, do when they had their period?
Sweet dreams.
What are you doing up at 11:53 pm?
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Saturday, August 21, 2004
like a mosquito bite...only bigger...and not as itchy
Feeling:  devious
Craving:  chocolate-dipped strawberries
Music of choice: "Headstrong"-Trapt
I don't understand hickeys.
Let's break that down.
The dictionary's definiton of a hickey is as follows:
hickˇey n.A reddish mark on the skin caused by amorous kissing, biting, or sucking.
Now, let us set up a scene. Let's say that you and your boyfriend are getting...friendly...at a party. You have been sucking face for about 15 minutes (you animals!) and you discover that you're beginning to get bored with this. To change things up, he begins, literally, "sucking" on your neck, and surprisingly, it hurts a little. But what the hell, you're young and drunk, and this newly-discovered form of affection is exciting, so you let it continue. Now, as you're leaving the party, you quickly glance in the hall mirror only to discover-GASP-what is that hideous form on your neck? You, my friend, have just received a hickey. This is where things begin to get foggy.
It's the following morning, and you have the go with the rents to a family picnic. Slight problem-how the hell do you hide that red blot on your neck? Now that you've had your fun, you no longer want this little "memory" following you around all afternoon. There's no way you can excuse it as "running into a wall" or "getting hit with a baseball bat." What IS a girl to do?
This is where I begin to get confused. I can see the fun and excitement in getting a hickey. It's like a cow being branded on its hide so the owner always knows which are his, or when dogs piss on a tree to leave their mark. It's a territorial thing. I get that. And it hurts...which I don't get...quite so much. Kissing is quite enjoyable, yes, because although a "sucking" action is still taking place...it feels good. It doesn't hurt. A hickey on the other hand...well...that's not quite so painless. But maybe this is where the term "beauty is pain" applies. I don't know.
Ok, so you've gotten past the actual "making" of a hickey itself. This is where I really don't understand how the human mind works. You go to all the trouble to actually make a hickey, including enduring whatever consequences come with it, but then, as soon as you finally conquer this task, you exhaust yourself trying to hide it. All that effort that was put into creating a hickey, is now put into covering your hickey. WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING ONE IF YOU HAVE TO HIDE IT? Is it like a form of ID, where no one really knows your age by looking at you, but you have ID on you, just in case people ask and you need to prove yourself? However, if you go around baring them like the new fall fashion line, people don't exactly bow down to you either. So if you have it and hide it, people will respect you, but if you flaunt it, now you're regarded as slutty. But how do people discover you have it if you must hide it, unless you say-"Hey, wanna see my hickey?" in which case you might as well go around with a neon arrow pointing to your neck. In this case, you're a showoff. Is it just me, or this an un-winable battle? Wouldn't a ring symbolizing your devotion to your boyfriend be nicer than a sticker on your neck? Unless it's one of those things that ONLY a boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to know, like a secret society. Maybe that makes them more special...and it could be the always danger of being "revealed" any minute that makes them so much more exciting. Living a life in fear...or, perhaps it is a new form of art. I hear if you squint really hard, they look like a four-leaf clover...
Ok, so I lied about the last part. But next time you think you want to give your partner a love bite, reconsider. I hear fruit baskets last 2+ weeks when properly refridgerated. :-) And all the vitamins you need...
What are you doing up at 05:37 pm?
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